The Dating Guide to Chess Openings. Part 1: The Najdorf.

The Polish-Argentinian grandmaster Miguel Najdorf (1910-1997),was one of the best and most creative players of his time. Although he was a successful businessman later in his life, he stayed at heart a bohemien, famous for his charm and with an inveterate weakness for gambling and beautiful women. This contributed to his popularity probably as much as his creations over the board.

Today, Najdorf is best remembered for the line of the Sicilian opening which is named after him. The "Najdorf variation" continues to cause headache for the white players. They can choose between a huge lot of responses, but none of them seems to promise an advantage. Which one should you choose?

In memory of Najdorf and following up on this earlier post, I have decided to review White's options as Najdorf might have done it: namely as women of different character, looks and appeal. Choose yourself whatever suits you most!

The Blonde with Boobs: 6. Bg5.

This valiant and aggressive continuation is without any doubt the most beautiful girl in the crowd. A girl that speaks to your basic instincts. However, blondes with boobs are tricky. Their charme is a bit on the vulgar side (=brutal mating attacks), which you either like or you don't. She is demanding, too. Unless you attend the (computer) gym regularly, you are unlikely to impress her. And she requires an insane amount of courtship and attention. In any situation, you have to know extremely well what you are doing. If you don't, disaster is certain. On the other hand, if you manage to handle her, everybody will envy you.

The Elegant Lady: 6. Be3.

This principled continuation has a less direct charme than 6. Bg5, but is arguably more complex and fascinating. It is a girl from good family, with distinguished taste, knowing to behave in diverse situations. A wonderful partner, who will also help you to develop yourself---if you are up to her requirements. Most chess players aren’t. You don’t need a platinum credit card like for dating 6. Bg5, but you have to be experienced, to understand her whims and to have reliable intuition. I tried years ago, noticed too many misunderstandings, and we parted ways. But if I were a professional, I would try to conquer her again.

The Romantic Retro-Girl: 6. Bc4.

A poor, but attractive girl that indulges into memories of a glorious past. She dresses up like a lady from the belle époque, invoking the times when chess was still played in coffee houses, when a single beautiful mating attack was worth more than a gigabyte of computer analysis. She could not care less for modern fashions, but few girls have more style than her. The most famous chess player of all times, Robert James "Bobby" Fischer, got infatuated as well. But don't try to argue with logic. Otherwise, the dishes will be smashed on the floor or be thrown out of the window. Komodo shows -0.6 after the opening? Who cares. There is a bishop on b3, a pawn on e5 and soon, Rxf7 will decide the game. This is the ideal partner for the romantics among us, willing to bear the recurring drama for the occasional moments of sublime enchantment.

The Neighbor's Daughter: 6. Be2.

Did also your parents point you to the nice, unassuming girl next door? With the regular looks, the haircut that was in fashion ten years ago (if ever), and the welcoming smile on the face? This is in some sense a good advice, because the Neighbor's Daughter resembles most women more than the Blonde with Boobs or the Elegant Lady. Getting involved with her will make you understand some important things. Also the relationship will be sound, steady and honest. Unlikely that she ever throws the dishes at you. If things go badly wrong, it will usually be your fault. The Neigbor's Daughter is for players who value a reliable mate, like former world champion Anatoli Karpov. Excitement-seekers should try something else.

The Easy Companion (Sidekick of the Blonde with Boobs): 6. f4

Talking about excitement. There are girls with whom you can just have lots of fun when going out, in a bar, in the club, even on plain street. You spend half of the time laughing together, with good chances of getting laid. In German, we call this a Spaßnudel. It won’t be too serious and please don't look for emotional depth. (There is a reason why this girl often hangs out with the Blonde with Boobs!) Enjoy it as long as it lasts. And if you mess up things, at least you will be able to laugh together!

The Neighbor's Daughter's Best Friend: 6. a4

Talking about Sidekicks. The Neighbor's Daughter has a best friend who is quite similar in character, honest and decent, but sparks even less excitement. That's all that needs to be said.

The Friend with Benefits: 6. g3

This modest-looking girl is not really perceived by many players searching for a Najdorf date. Perhaps because she does not correspond to our teenage ideas of our ideal partner. But she is a faithful and reliable companion whom you can tell everything about your disasters with the "major options", that is, the Blonde with Boobs, the Elegant Lady or the Romantic Retro-Girl. She will smile, just look at you and ask “so why do you want to make yourself unhappy?” She will try her best to cheer you up! If this means that you are staying overnight, so be it. But don’t overdo it: the Friend with Benefits is not meant to be your long-term mate. Complications loom under the surface and a beautiful friendship can end up in an ugly split-up.

The Chameleon: 6. h3

Hard to characterize in a single sentence. But let’s try. 6. h3 is a girl with personality that adapts to a variety of different situations and shares several traits of other Najdorf dates: the Elegant Lady's sense of distinction, the proper affection of the Friend with Benefits, and the sense of humor of the Easy Companion. Which of them is most prominent depends on her mood---and also on you. If you feel that the previously mentioned dates are a bit too extreme and one-sided in their personalities, if you are looking for a via di mezzo, then you should give her a shot. Rumors have it that I am seeing the Chameleon from time to time.

The Mysterious Exots: 6. a3 and 6. Nb3

These girls are the most exotic ones in the crowd. Which means that they are not easy to decipher and that they may behave differently from what you expect. You have to invest quite a bit before you truly enjoy these dates. But before you think about marriage, keep in mind that the cultural gaps are likely to persist. A fascinating experience, but perhaps not the best long-run solution. 

The One-Night-Stands: 6. Rg1, 6. h4, 6. Bd3, 6. Qe2, 6. Qf3, etc.

These girls are ugly, stupid and dull. It is better to go for somebody who is beautiful, clever and cute. If you are desperate, you may try to hook up with them, but it should never, never, never be more than a one-night stand. 

There are fashion magazines which try to tell you that ugly, stupid and dull is the new beautiful, clever and cute, but people who believe those magazines should better stop dating.

The Unhappy Marriage: 2. c3 

Out of despair over recurrent dating disasters, some players start to look for solidity and decide to marry... the wrong person. The one that did not run away fast enough. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with 2. c3---a steady and reliable mate---, but for any player who likes excitement and variation, it will be a terrible mismatch. Is this everything life has for me? Shouldn't I try again to date the Blonde with Boobs or the Elegant Lady? When you start to ask these questions, moving the c-pawn from c2 to c3 may even trigger a feeling of disgust. Players trapped in an unhappy marriage often dream of starting a new life with daring bishop sorties on move six, but I rarely seem them file divorce.

The Escort: 3. Bb5+

Being too lazy for serious dating, a substantial number of players choose the easygoing option. Arguably better than an unhappy marriage, but it will rarely yield true satisfaction. I speak from experience.

The Street Hookers: 3. Bc4, 3. c3 Nf6 4. Be2/h3

Everything that I have said about 3. Bb5+ applies here, too, with one restriction: this is even worse than an unhappy marriage.

BDSM: 2. Nc3 and other Closed Sicilians

This is a strange fetish which I have never understood. Adepts of 2. Nc3 are a pretty closed community (pun intended!), bound together by a set of shared preferences. What they appreciate is so radically different from Najdorf dating that I do not feel qualified to say more. Talk to the adepts if you really want to know.

The Radical Solution: 1. d4

You have tried all of the above, and you are still unhappy? Still no Najdorf date? Not even an escort? Well, perhaps it’s not about the ladies, but about you. Perhaps your ideal date needs to be… radically different from any of them. So try 1. d4 instead. It is a whole dating universe of its own, strange and captivating at the same time. But don’t tell your mom.